casey_sms

When Uhura asked to speak with him about a certain Ambassador on Vulcan II, Spock was not surprised. It was what he would have done after all. If Kirk really meant so much to his other self, if he really was his t’hy’la – his counterpart would not have relied on convincing his younger self. No, Spock Prime must have had a contingency plan. He only hoped that his counterpart was as chivalrous as he and would keep his word in the end.

Gesturing Lieutenant Uhura to the privacy of his quarters, Uhura waited until the door slid shut before speaking. It was clear that she was agitated. Yet it did appear that she had trouble articulating what was on her mind. Normally he did not gesture when speaking but he spread his palms out facing her in the human gesture of surrender. “I believe you have indicated that you have something of importance that you wished to speak to me about.”

It was all the permission that Uhura needed to speak freely and she unleashed her fury. Once she might have been wary of his status as Commander and First Officer but she knew Spock enough to know when he was being himself and when he was hiding behind the Vulcan facade. “I don’t believe this. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“In regards to?”

“Will you even tell me the truth?” Before he could answer, she said hotly, “No, don’t give me that bullshit about ‘Vulcans cannot lie’. I’m asking you to tell me the truth Spock.”

“Of course, Nyota,” Spock said agreeably. He did not understand the reason for her anger considering he had yet to do something wrong. He came to the conclusion that she must be mistaken in her assumption of his guilt. A situation which must be rectified. “Do you wish for us to mindmeld?”

Nyota seemed taken aback. As a xenolinguist, she knew well the implications of the question. Putting her hands on her hips she said, “Is this a...Are you taunting me?”

Spock was puzzled, eyebrows knitted tightly. “I do not understand. My request was not formulated to increase your ire rather it was to placate it.” The only sign of Spock’s frustration was the stiffness of his jaw. “You accuse me of lying therefore I offer the option of a mindmeld in which you can be assure that I cannot lie. It is the most logical solution.”

“Fine. Do it. “ She said out of gritted teeth.

Spock was concerned, uncomfortable with the idea. “You must relax Nyota or it may be...painful.” When she did not cease her frown as he placed his fingers on her psi points to link them, he stopped again. “Please,” he said awkwardly, unused to having to coax someone. “I know you are displeased with me but I have no desire to hurt you.”

Nyota smoothed lines out of her face and took a deep breath. When he could see that she was calm, he linked them together saying, “My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.” It took a while for him to adjust to her mind, a flurry of emotions hitting him. Anger. Frustration. Fear. Hurt. Betrayal. He had to quickly re-establish his mind shields and it took all his control not to delve into her mind and try to sooth out the kinks in her psyche. No, Nyota would not appreciate that right now. Spock took note of this alternative. In the future perhaps. Right now he had to focus on Uhura. Her mind version of herself was obviously unhappy, her hands were crossed tightly over her chest. He could not help but feel that even in her displeasure, she was a pleasure to watch. Her dark skin glowed in his mindscape of her, glistening softly like an otherworldly being.

However, Nyota’s determined inquisition interrupted his thoughts. She was projecting very strongly her need to know the truth. Spock would have preferred to leave some of his privacy shields in place but he knew that she would perceive it as hiding the truth so he dropped all his defences, hoping to appease her. He could deal with embarrassment. He could not deal with losing her. His Vulcan pride and modesty would have to compromise for her human needs. Still, he acquiesced without complaint because he knew that this was right. It would be alright between them.

“Is it true you can only have one bondmate at any one time?”

“Yes.” He was expecting questions about his alternate self so this took him by surprise.

“We’ll get to that, Spock,” she snapped, not caring that she was rudely probing his mind. “And once you’ve touched their mind you know for sure?”

“Yes.”

Uhura was obviously upset at his responses and he wanted to know why but he did not want to push into her mind. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have understood. When were you going to tell me about your t’hy’la? ”

“I did not feel that it was necessary nor relevant to divulge the details of my, that is my counterpart’s, bondmate to you,” Spock let his confusion filter through.

Her mind’s voice raised in volume. “So you didn’t think it was relevant that you are just toying around with me?”

“I do not understand, Nyota.” Seeing her increasing distress, he decided that they needed to confirm that they were indeed using the same frame of reference. “You are referring to meeting my counterpart, Ambassador Sylar or as he revealed to you Ambassador Spock?”

“No...yes!”

Spock felt himself raise an eyebrow, his mindscape matching that of his physical body. “I am assuming that he told you about the personal nature of his relationship with Captain Kirk.”

“Yes. He said ‘you’ were, are intimate.” The latter part was said with waves of emotion, mostly hurt and longing. Finally, Spock understood. Nyota believed that he would abandon her for Kirk. Perhaps he thought that he was using the relationship as a fabrication until he could be intimate with his Captain.

“That would be correct. And you are assuming by what Sylar said that I will also be intimate with this Captain Kirk?” He refused to refer to Sylar as himself as he felt that Spock Prime was a separate self. He did not have the same experiences or the same memories. After all is it not the very essence of how you remember yourself which makes you?

“You are saying ‘you’ lied to me?”

“I’m saying my other self may have implied some truths that may be misleading.”

Nyota was ever the scholar, she was curious. “Tell me about your alternate self then.”

“I know you refer to him as me and my alternate self and indeed he is my counterpart but he is not me,” Spock said emphatically. “He is me from another timeline. He has had experiences that I’ve had but he has also had experiences I have not had. Those circumstances alone mark us as entirely different individuals.”

“So you share the same heritage and genetic makeup and some circumstances of upbringing but not others?” Uhura said, working it out in her mind.

“Correct. Particularly in regard...in regard to my mother.”

“I’m sorry about that Spock,” Uhura said gently.

He could feel the sincerity of her statement and he touched his mind to hers, feeling a spark jump. She gasped a little, her projection of herself flickering a little as she juggled her corporeal and mental forms.

“Thank you.”

Their minds touched for a little longer, but Spock could feel that she was still pondering over what he said. “So let me get this straight. You have an alternate self from another timeline who is you but not really you who was and is kind of still in love with the Captain James T. Kirk of his timeline but you, er, Ambassador Sylar is trying to convince me that your one true love is this Captain Kirk also. But you’re telling me now that you are not like Sylar, because things have changed and that you’re er in..you...you’re with me,” she finished lamely.

“I am in love with you, Nyota, yes.” Spock was amused at the way she was working this out, accepting that Sylar and him were both same and different. He could feel the heat of her mind flush with embarrassment that he had said the words so plainly. In the privacy of their minds, he did not mind revealing personal thoughts, even emotions, as a mindmeld is the utmost demonstration of intimacy for a Vulcan when both minds are completely unshielded.

“But, Sylar said that you had to touch your t’hy’la’s mind to know for sure and you have not touched mine,” Nyota said with disappointment colouring her mind’s voice. “Not until now.”

Spock gave a slight nod to acknowledge her statement. “No, not until now. But you misunderstand, Nyota. Please let me explain.” With the mind link in place, he was prepared for this. It felt right for him to tell her of his affection for her. He had thought she would have known that his volunteering to meld with her was a sign of his trust and vulnerability in her presence. He would not miss the chance to reaffirm his commitment to their courtship. “A mindmeld is one way to know beyond doubt that one is your bondmate. However, the act of offering a mindmeld with one’s mind completely open to another’s is often sufficient evidence of trust. It is not the act of melding that is significant but the implication that one would entrust the very essence of your self to be revealed to another. Lying is not a factor – there is no need to lie with someone who accepts your very being. With you, I did not need to know, as you stated ‘for sure’, to know that I wanted to bond with you.” He could feel her astonishment and affection for him through their linked minds. Now, he knew most certainly that Uhura was indeed his t’hy’la.

Uhura cocked her head sideways with a little smile. “Isn’t that...illogical?”

“Perhaps. But I am human too,” Spock conceded. With Uhura, he did not mind being human. “It would be dishonest, even more illogical, for me to deny my human heritage.” Spock wanted to chase away even the faintest shadows of doubt in her mind. “I have chosen you since the beginning of our courtship and I chose you, Nyota Uhura as my bondmate. My t’hy’la. It is not a matter of options for me. There is no other. I cannot speak for my other self but this Spock belongs with you. That Spock, he can see no other for him because his Captain Kirk is his bondmate in his universe and perhaps in every universe. That is the way I am with you. If I had to live this life over, I have and always will choose you.”

“Oh Spock,” Uhura said, feeling herself tear up. “I’m so sorry.”

Spock let the intensity of the mindmeld fade a little, withdrawing from deep inside the mindscape so he could see her face. Tenderly, Spock wiped her tears away. “Do not be upset, Nyota. There is no need to apologise.”

She wiped more tears away with the back of her hand and smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m happy. I’m really happy.” Uhura’s hand ghosted the side of Spock’s face, touching him hesitantly, feeling the warmth of his skin against hers. “You’re blushing,” she said with amusement. “I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“No,” Spock said, leaning into her touch slightly, his hand covering hers. He entwined their fingers together as she opened her hand for a Vulcan kiss. “I am sorry that you did not know how much you meant to me, my t’hy’la.”

She leaned her forehead against his, her chocolate skin contrasting against his pale complexion. She could feel the intensity of the bond magnify, tingling as their minds were drawn together. “I love you too, Spock,” she said, sending him all the love she had for him as she kissed him.